Just some quick entertainment

Just thought I'd give you a little something to chew on for the week. I probably won't get a chance to update next week so hang in there, I'll try and make up for it when I get back.

So I was thinking about how people say things without really knowing what they mean. Or without thinking about what they just said. Stupid little quips like; Im standing here, beside myself. What the Heck is that supposed to mean?

One of my favorites is; Up at the crack of dawn.

Well what exactly IS the crack of dawn? Who came up with this?

Its not like you can hear an audiable sound like a 'crack of thunder.' But I guess thats usually considered a 'clap of thunder' and a 'crack of lighting.' And I guess that can make sence because a lighting bolt can look kinda like a crack in the sky. But its not like the horizon does.

Its not like the sun 'cracks through' the horizon line either. Its more like it passes through the 'line on the horizon.'

Now thats a phrase that makes sence, 'line on the horizon.' So maybe the saying should be: 'up at the passing of the horizon.' Then again, that could mean dawn OR dusk so how do you distinguish which is which? Because someone who doesn't get up until the sun goes down would have the same saying but would mean exactly the opposite.

By the way, that doesn't exactly say WHAT is breaking or passing the horizon, it could very well be the moon you were talking about. But then again no one really talks about where the moon is when they wake up.

So maybe 'breaks the horizon' is better. Since the sun doesn't really break the horizon when it sets, its more swallowed up by it. Then at least there is a difference in the two sayings but i don't think 'up at the swallowing on the horizon' is a very appropriate thing to be saying.

Then again, who am i to judge?

I hate cloths shopping...

Why is it that when I TRY and mind my own business I end up getting in more trouble then if I had spouted my mouth off in the first place?

Let me set the scene for you:

Winter is commons and as a productive member of society (cc. I have a job unlike you welfare bastards) it was time for me to get some cold weather cloths so I don't literally freeze to the steel girts Ill be sitting on next week.

Something funny about that, when I applied for this job in one of the interviews the guy asked me: 'We pour concrete in 10 below zero, whatda you think about that?' Umm... I think I'm surprised your still in business because water freezes at 32 degrees and funny as it may seem to you, water is an essential ingredient to concrete. So really I guess I'm surprised these foundations you poured like that have not crumbled yet. You can call me and tell me what an idiot you are when they do. Here's my cell number.

So as I was saying, I went shopping for some good warm work cloths. And anybody who has to work in ten below zero weather knows your first stop is for long johns and your second is for Carhartt.

Side note, I really do love winter, its the blinding cold days that I have to work in instead of going skiing or something that I despise.

I decided to check Renny's first and if I couldn't find what I wanted, well heck I live in Maine, I could always swing over to LL Bean. But Renny's had all I could hope for to fulfill my clothing needs. What they were lacking are employees with half a clue.

I really hate to cloths shop but I was busying myself looking for the right sizes and specific styles (you need to be fashionable at work too of course...) when I overheard a few employees talking. I tried not to pay any attention at first; it really didn't concern me, that is until they asked my opinion.

They couldn't have known how bad an idea this was. I really need to start wearing that 'I'm an A-Hole' hat. Or maybe people need to remember to carry around their 'I'm a moron' signs. (thanks Bill).

One girl was talking about how her daddy was forcing her to clean her horse’s stall out. How could he do that! Its not like he pays for the horse itself, its food, all its tack and crap just so you can ride it once a week! OMG you mean you have to do something to take care of it? Yeah, um I worked at a horse farm for about 8 years and I had to deal with these people on a daily basis. I have no tolerance for them.

But as unlike me as it was, I just shook my head and walked away. It really didn't have anything to do with me. So as I continued to shop I tried to do my best to ignore what they were saying (cc: drained my flask, it would be an interesting ride home).

I just wish I could have ignored them a little longer (cc: wish my flask held more). Just about the time I had to ask one of them to unlock the dressing rooms, (why they were locked in the first place I'm not exactly sure) I slipped up and spouted my mouth off. 'You wouldn't believe it but I woke up at 8 am this morn. and I couldn't go back to sleep. Then Matt wouldn't even make me breakfast and he refused to go to work late to stay with me a little longer. Honestly I don't know why I even love him.'

I think you could almost hear the blood vessels bursting in my brain as I went off on this pour unsuspecting girl.

'Eight AM! EIGHT AM!!! your over there complaining because you couldn't sleep past 8? I was at work at 6:30 am this morning, oh wait, actually work starts at 6:30 so I was there closer to ten past six. That means I was up at about 5 and you want to complain about 8? Secondly do you know why your feet are short? Its so you can stand closer to the kitchen counter and cook ME breakfast. You really expected your boyfriend who had to go to work in the morning to help your dad pay for your stupid horse you refuse to clean up after, to stay home to cook you breakfast because you couldn't sleep anymore? And poor you! that meant you were up a whole what 5 hours before you had to go to work for your 6 hour shift. Oh know, the world is ending.'

There was a flurry of other comments that came in about things they had said earlier that I unfortunately had overheard them talking about but its all blurred together in my mind right now. All in all I'm actually surprised I didn't make the kid cry. I'm kinda disappointed.

Needless to say I ended up going to LL bean for the my warm weather clothing. They not so politely asked me to leave the store and never come back. Good thing there's another one in Pittsfield. Hopefully they don't have my picture posted behind the counter throughout the chain.

Not so much Full Service

I guess its too much to ask for a gas station attendent to know how to pump your fuel. Granted, in most cases these individuals are minimum wage junkies who have been fired from Burger King and couldn't find a dipstick to save their lives (otherwise they'd be 'mechanics'), but I think at the very least they should be able to remember the 20 minute training video on how to effectively operate a fuel pump.

My mistake, what could I have possibly be thinking.
If you have no idea where I'm coming from then allow me to elaborate.

This week I stopped at the local Irving’s station, which I might add is NOT run by some Indian or Arabian immigrant (YAY!), and asked for a fill. 'Mid grade please, fill it up.' The scary part here is that I probably would have had better luck with a foreigner. At least then they could claim they didn't understand me.

After the guy took and ran my card he switched on the pump, hit the mid grade and started to fill my tank. Then he walked away.

Ok, that’s fine. They were pretty busy only having 4 pumps and cars lined up at each so I can kind of forgive him for not offering to clean my windshield or anything. The problem came when he came back. He clicked the pump off and put the nozzle away, printed my receipt and gave it to me.

I thanked him unconsciously and then started my car to go, reset the odometer and just happened to glance at the fuel gage. I was already starting to pull away when I noticed it wasn't reading full.

I don't know why I stopped then. I know it sometimes takes a few minutes for my gage to reset to full but something made me look at the receipt. The receipt that for some reason I hadn't already tossed behind the seat. I wish I hadn't looked. I could have been a much happier person. I could have just filled up again later someplace else, not realizing the mistake but no. I had already seen the gallons listed.

I drive a 1990 Cherokee with a 20.2 gal tank. I know this because not only have I read my owners manual, I also have ran my car to almost empty and filled it to the tippie top just to see what it could hold. So when I looked down and saw the “gallons pumped” listed as 11.339 and my gas light was on when I pulled in, I was a little confused (cc. fired up).

I shut the car off, unbuckled and got out of the car. Another attendent ran up asking if there was a problem and I just walked past him. I ran my card again and started to fill my tank the rest of the way.

The first guy (cc. Moron) came back then trying to ask me what I was doing. ‘I guess I thought I was filling my tank like I asked YOU to do.’ He backpedaled a little, sputtering and trying to figure out what was going on.

‘I’m sorry sir, The pump clicked off, I thought it was full.’

‘That’s funny because I think you turned off the pump to service these other people before my tank was full.’

He didn’t seem to like that so he tried to offer to finish pumping for me but he was just making things worse at this point. If he couldn’t do it right the first time what made him think I would give him another chance?

Instead I let the pump run and run and run, I let that thing go as slow as I possibly could. tenths ticked off as slow as gallons would normally take. Horns blew, people yelled and all I had to do was stand there. The attendents didn’t even try to move me or make the pump run faster. I think they knew I was a little unhappy.

By the time my tank was actually full (almost 8 gallons later) three cars had pulled up behind me, sat for a minute and then moved in frustration. I think I should have reacted a little more, maybe then I could have gotten my windows clean and oil checked, this being a FULL SERVICE STATION and all but I think from now on I’ll be sure to go someplace I can pump my own gas and make sure its right the first time.

Restroom Van Gogh

Ok, here it is.
The start of something special.

No, I don't mean "special ed." special.
I mean you’re in for a treat.

This is the day I choose to open my endless ranting to the World Wide Web. And please, don't get me started on the whole Internet thing. There will be plenty of time for that later. Just let me warm up a bit.

Today I was getting some shopping done (cc: beer run) when I had to use the bathroom. Now normally something so simple and in some people's minds, rather disgusting would not be worth mentioning but trust me on this one.

So I head to the public restrooms, find and empty stall and step in. Ill refrain from describing to you what took place next but it brought something to my attention that I just needed to come home and get off my chest.

What is it about a public restroom stall that gives any and every moron the inspiration to write. There is not a stall in the U.S. that does not have the scribblings of some genius to the note of; 'Mike is Gay' or an attempt at a graphic picture.

OH look! I have a pen in my pocket, or a key! I think Ill carve my name into the wall so I am forever immortalized in the local Walmart’s restroom! What if I write something funny so that when ever someone sits down here they get a little chuckle.

Quick question, check the bathroom in your house. Do you generally write on those walls? Or do you carve a picture in your buddy’s bathroom wall when you go over to watch the ball game? I didn’t think so, but just in case you do, do the rest of us a favor and go play in traffic on the interstate.

News Flash: People do not come into a public restroom to read your remarks, most of which are too stupid to bother having been written in the first place. You are NOT funny, unless of course you actually ARE on the payroll for a big TV sitcom in which case you can afford to be sued for defacement of private property.

I don’t know who ‘Mike’ is and I really don’t care that you think he is gay. Frankly I think its better that you AND Mike stay in the closet. I’ll even prop a chair on the outside to keep you in there if I have to.

If you have enough time on your hands to decide it’s a GOOD idea to write something stupid on a bathroom wall then you need to be taught the meaning of the phrase S*** or get off the pot.